to forge ahead.

once my thoughtful friend told me,

"what is lebaran for?
it simply serves as a reminder,
that we do not need such a big day
to remind us that to forgive one's mistake is a habitual activity one must do on daily basis.
yet, there are days when the act of forgive itself is given a special treatment, put it under the spotlight,
to brighten the people who seek for a chance to be, well, known.

the same like valentine's day perhaps,
do you love your beloved partner or companion on the day itself?
i'm not going for that, definitely.
yet this is the day when what we usually do seems to be special."

i say on a different occasion,

"the artificial spirit has long gone.
no more excitement on getting new clothes,
no more hassle of being stuck on an endless traffic jam.

yet it feels more peaceful to be contented with myself, physically.
over insecurities i've been carrying with me, psychologically.

but when i sit down, chanting "allahu akbar wa lilla ilham" while looking at children next to me, holding tight a new piece of 1000 rupiah note, i can smell the scent of recently bought sarung he's wearing, i can see the bright spark of his eyes, knowing that soon he's gotta move around one big circle to say "maaf lahir batin" to his grandpa, grandma, aunties, uncles, mom, dad, and finally his fellow cousin.

let him enjoy this then, let him eat while he's asleep, let him roll in celebration."


whatever and whichever your hari raya may be, here's to forgive and forget the hatred, the slap and the bitchings, while to accept the serenity living with other human beings innocently, naively, wholeheartedly.

whoever says that lebaran is an easy festive season?

Waking Ned Devine

There are times when we wish to see a film in cinemas instead of getting even with small size of our television screen.

We may quick to list these films worth going to cinemas for, which obviously will be filled mostly with big-blockbuster films, those with overused CGI effects, or panoramic cinematography, or crisp clear of clinging swords in any martial arts flicks.
However, I heartily propose a film entitled Waking Ned Devine as a film worth every single of our hard-earned dough.

Why do I bother bringing in the film about a lottery winner who dies before collecting his winning, and turning his neighbors in plotting a scheme to outlive the money? Spare for a few minutes of gorgeous view of beaches in (supposedly) Ireland that makes us wish to live there, for most of its 90-minute duration we only see British and Irish’s finest aged thespians, without any girls in scantily clad bikini running around.
But more than that, we will see at least two old folks don their birthday suit, while riding on a motorbike nevertheless.



That only counts for a few scenes from many other hilarious ones you find yourselves laughing out loud throughout this heartwarming flick.

Now imagine, if you are laughing together inside a darkened hall with strangers whom you have nothing in common except the share of laughter towards the same object seen at the same time, and leaving the cinema feeling good, knowing the last one and half hour is spent jolly well.



Movie magic certainly does come very rarely, only in a film like this.

talk about love.

ada dari kita yang bertindak sebagai pencinta,
sementara ada dari kita yang bertingkah laku seperti pemberi,
meskipun ada dari kita yang bertindak tanduk bak pencemburu,
walaupun ada dari kita yang berpikir selayaknya pengkhotbah,
selalu ada dari kita yang berkhasiat sebagai pelacur,
kadang juga ada dari kita yang berkhianat seperti penadah,
atau bahkan ada dari kita yang beringas macam penari,
dan ada dari kita yang bertaburan kemilau bintang senyawa langit malam.

masalah cinta, dicintai, mencintai,
satu, dua, tiga obyek percintaan,
tiada, absen, hadirnya rasa bergelembung,
setuju, ragu-ragu, tidak setuju terhadap selingkuh,
apakah itu kissing, making out, channeling affectionate feeling,

towards the next person, the other person, the ourselves,
satu, dua, tiga, jadilah threesome
satu-dua, satu-tiga, dua-tiga,
jangan harap ada satu satu-dua-tiga,

cinta, bosan, statis,
siklus hidup adalah ceria, biasa, ajal,

kenapa cinta harus diujungi dengan duka kalau ia berawal dari suka?

mumblings.

jujur aja, sekarang ini saya lagi miskin yang berasa kaya.

gimana ngga miskin kalo ngga ada pemasukan. duit dari mana? ada sedikit sisa tabungan dan hasil kerja terakhir yang pas buat bayar kebutuhan pokok seperti uang rumah, utang komputer, listrik, air, telpon, dan makan a la kadarnya di hawker centres.
tapi jangan ajak saya pergi makan di restoran sekelas burger king pun, atau mengobrak-abrik cd di gramophone, atau nonton film di akhir pekan, dan juga pergi ke beberapa festival film yang sedang berlangsung. untung saja festival film perancis kali ini tidak memutar "hidden" nya michael haneke, karena kalau saja mereka berani memutar film ini, saya pun berani berhutang mati-matian, kalau perlu ngantri mati-matian di depan counter sistic.

tapi di tengah banyaknya waktu luang saya, ada perasaan bergetar setiap kali saya pergi ke esplanade library, dan melihat tumpukan buku tentang film yang berjejer rapi menjulang tinggi di depan saya yang kecil ini, baik secara fisik ataupun mental. seolah-olah mereka berkata, "come, read me this time", walaupun tetap untuk urusan screenplay, saya masih ingin menuntaskan semua buku dari syd field sebelum pindah ke pengarang lain. seperti layaknya juga beberapa buku pauline kael, pahlawan kritikus film yang saya hormati karena selalu jujur dalam menulis review tentang film-film yang pantas dia review.

film.

mungkin anda bingung kenapa semua tulisan saya tentang film. jangan khawatir, meminjam penggalan lirik dari seurieus yang terlalu sering digunakan, nauval juga manusia, punya rasa, punya hati. hanya saja, rasa dan hati saya tidak bisa memungkiri bahwa dia suka menonton film, suka menulis tentang film, bahkan tidak malu-malu mengakui bahwa satu-satunya mata kuliah dulu yang rajin saya datangi baik lecture maupun tutorial nya adalah mata kuliah american film.
menariknya, mata kuliah ini adalah mata kuliah pilihan (minor), yang berarti bukan termasuk mata kuliah wajib dari dua jurusan (majors) yang saya ambil waktu kuliah di nus dulu.

dan inilah kecanduan saya yang mulai harus diatasi.

hari-hari saya diisi dengan nonton film lewat dvd yang dipinjam dari esplanade library (sekali lagi, jangan suruh saya pinjam di tempat peminjaman dvd umum seperti videoezy, karena alasan finansial), dan setelah film itu selesai masa putarnya, maka saya akan duduk dan berpikir di depan monitor komputer untuk kemudian mencari informasi tentang film ini, dan memutuskan apakah si film layak untuk dianalisa lebih lanjut.

gila?

sayangnya, obat penyembuh kegilaan ini tidak ada. kalaupun ada, bentuknya hanya berbeda sedikit, yaitu saya tetap menulis, tapi tentang sesuatu yang lain. sekarang ini saya lagi getol menulis tentang acara-acara di singapore yang berkaitan dengan lebaran, karena mau ngga mau, artikel inilah yang bisa saya tawarkan ke media massa.

tapi saya tetap percaya kalau dalam waktu dekat, saya harus menulis tentang film, dan tulisan-tulisan itu harus dipublikasikan ke masyarakat luas. saya tidak mau pernah berpikir apakah pembaca umum mau mengerti, atau bahkan hanya sekedar untuk membaca, karena itulah kepuasan saya pribadi.

jaman ini banyak kompromi, susah sekali mencari kesenangan diri.

Shadowlands.

Dear readers,

By now you have noticed how my writings on film appreciation have differed to some other kind which I myself do not possess any control on the change. Of course the notification only applies if you are that faithful in reading this blog consistently, in which the idea itself frightens me out. If you are on the opposite side, I extend my gratitude and welcome you, indeed.

The change itself pretty much is easily identified on how I have recently often dwelled on absorbing the whole impact of the film. In other words, it is what I feel afterwards, what my heart says after the credit title finishes rolling, and I can sit in front of this monitor to pour out every single initial sensory reaction to the films I have just seen.

By any means, this kind of writing would usually put aside technical matters or basically the elements that make the film works, for example, some technical flaws on cinematography, or inadequate music scores, or the one that I talk about most is actors’ performances. Not that I see myself capable in delivering in-depth discussion about that, yet I always find the tryout in touching those mentioned factors appealing, and to some extent, intriguing, as well as challenging my mind to think those through.

However, tonight I have decided to return to the so-called root, as one film has awakened, or rather tickled my curiosity in examining the ‘outer’ look seen on a screen. The film is Shadowlands.



In a nutshell, the film tells the story of that famous author, C.S. Lewis, and his marriage to an American woman, a poet, named Joy Gresham. The characters did exist in real life before, therefore it is aptly called that the film is based on a true story. This will lead to general understanding among smart audience that no matter how the film is mirrored after events ever existed before, certain aspects of exaggeration in the name of dramatic purpose is needed to make a film worth watching. Therefore, is it necessary to put the words “This is a true story” on the very first scene of the film?

Having already seen that on a screen, as audience we are led to believe by the director (none other than Sir Richard Attenborough of Gandhi fame) that he guarantees what we will see for the next 127 minutes are exactly what the couple did on their lifetime or the ways they behaved towards each other is guaranteed real to a maximum effect.

The result could not be more disappointing than seeing the screenplay full of worth-quoting wisdoms has become something of half-baked done. Surely the main actors, Anthony Hopkins and Debra Winger, have delivered their excellence, yet the problem of their convincing portrayal of ill-fated couple lies on our perceptive towards them. In other words, their convincing portrayal fails to convince us in thorough comprehension of their love story.

In particular, Winger on her Oscar-nominated role here was given a character with many possible deeper exploration in seeing her gracious falling from a strong-willed, independent woman, to become a woman who has to compromise her unfortunate condition while doing her best to provide affection to her partner in life. Yet, the falling on her character is badly translated as the falling of her screen presence, in which after a good knockout for the first hour in the film as a leading role, she is reduced to become some supporting player. Worse, I begin to think that the last hour of the film, we see Winger’s role has become a damsel in distress, only to be puffed with lavish look of 1950s gorgeous costume and panoramic view.
Luckily, being a consummate thespian on her own, Winger carried her duty amazingly well, although it is a pity to see the butchering.

Hopkins himself might not see his presence reduced to a mere filler of the screen unlike his compatriot. How can it be when his face occupied most of the film? Yet, his inhibition of character leaves us bedazzled in wonder and confusion, as often we find the character’s change is something forced to happen. As a famous writer himself, C.S. Lewis might visit his sentimental feeling in order to emphatize with his own suffering, yet as a noble man with dignity, a weeping scene that lasts for more than ten seconds would only make audience thinking that the old man is a meek, weepy senior citizens who should be back in his emotional reclusion. Talk about the backlash of intended depiction.

Dear readers,

I sincerely hope by now you do realize that whenever a resourceful literary works is adapted into a big or small screen, it is no easy feat to capture the truest essence of the works being adapted. Worth-quoting wisdoms, mottos, or any symbolic words are not able to hold on their own unless they are transformed as a coherent screenplay which allows us, the audience, to see the development of characters convincingly, thus we are convinced that whatever we witness in the screen is a journey worth taken, and remembered.

Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

some films catch you off guard, where you are taken to completely a new world while you are still maintaining a good contact with the film you are watching. this does not mean your concentration deters away from the film, but rather, the film strikes you hard and you can't help wandering for a good minute or two, because unexpectedly, you feel the film completely with all your senses.

and hedwig transports me to the heartfelt experience.



not being merely contented with my own emotional involvement, the jolly feeling also comes in noticing how this film has set a certain barrier on making a good rock-opera film.
there's a struggling and to some extent painful journey the main character goes through in his life before coming to his own terms as a singer, a musician, or greater, an artist. this journey then is translated on the words and tunes, to be sung out, played, or greater, appreciated. perhaps the latter might come later towards the end of this artist's life, because a biopic does not befriend young rising stars after all.

but the main thing a rock-opera film should possess apart from continuous rock songs filling in throughout the scenes is the honesty, and consistency.

alright, that's already two elements, but they can't be more inseparable from one another.

hedwig excels in frankly telling us the journey of his life through the lyrics in all the original songs being sung out in the film, making us feeling like witnessing directly his presence in front of our eyes. if such an honesty comes out with catchy tunes enable us to sing along, that's purely a bonus in store. yet, a greater effect of these unpretentiousness results in a certain constancy maintaining the rock-and-roll atmosphere, as perhaps initially intended by the filmmakers themselves. never a scene slips out of tunes leaving us unhooked, and never a moment shies away out of focus from putting the spotlight on hedwig and his angry inch.



to have a film that is brutally honest and lyrical at the same time, one can only be thankful and be more than ready to have its own heart wrenched over this meaningful film.

simplicity.

as simple as seeing your name blinking and popping up above the duck,

but i'm beginning to doubt my doubts

as simple as channeling my mind to you on hearing looney tunes,

and i'm losing faith in my faithlessness

as simple as reeling over endless words craved on our notes,

all the grey above is clearing, becoming blue skies

as simple as feeling the rages soon to be overcome with memories,

i'm beginning to feel again

as simple as having the faith to believe in trusting each other,

and i'm losing what's left of my thoughtlessness

as simple as living the boredom and the madness as a means of affection,

the sun has begun to come out in my life

as simple as stepping the feet on to harsh reality of material world,

when you look in my eyes

as simple as ending the lust of lush life completely,

... you give me something more, it's like i've never loved before ...

as simple as settling hearts and souls to one another,

as simple as being here and there,

as simple as loving the love itself,


then be it.



-- italic words are excerpts of "when you look in my eyes" by jay graydon --

American Splendor.

pardon me for being terribly late in encountering this film, but i've already got enough punishment on my own, for disbelieving that it'd take me this long to witness and indulge looking at a comic literally translated on a big screen, it was initially transferred to the medium although i only managed to grab its dvd, to an extremely pleasant result.

"one visually arresting film", and such a compliment does justice to describe a story of harvey pekar and his life from zero to become a hero while maintaining his zero-support job. it is not everyday we get to see a famous comic writer who keeps his daily job as a file clerk, but that's the whole point of his life as he said, "you've got to keep on working and something might bound at the end."

now, if you feel that my penchant towards this film is due to the identification of myself towards the character, i can't agree more that i have certain weakness towards films portraying born-loser characters who take a great deal amount in his life before achieving anything he desires in life. and if you are that quick to notice that these kind of characters are often portrayed by paul giamatti (who knocks me off my feet for his showcase of terrifying acting skill here) as what he does in "sideways", well, pretty much he's got a perfect figure for that.



but the point does not lie on merely having these often-picked-on characters on screen. what makes "american splendor", be it as comics, film, and play at a mediocre result intriguing should be credited to its daring ability to present the real life truthfully, and nothing can be more appealing to our emotion than things that we encounter in daily life. surely it gets dramatized as chances are you won't have haunting jazz scores while we see a doctor or being hospitalized to get a treatment, yet above these background, we get to witness how our social life starts getting diminished when we get older, or how scary it is to be lonely whenever our loved ones go away. as blatant and harsh things could be in real life, harvey pekar demonstrates an impossible feat: to be true to one's own self at times when compromising fame is much preferred.

how shari springer berman and robert pulcini captures the essence of the compelling point above while maintaining the comical spirit of harvey's original works is purely a film magic.

how paul giamatti and hope davis give a cringe on my skin over their nail-biting portrayals as harvey and joyce brabner show us their faith in these real-life characters, thay the two actors do not only imitate, that they inject their own skillfuly crafted acting to inherit the characters inside out.



how i love the film is obvious.

Tim Burton's Corpse Bride

Tim Burton does musical! And he does it on an animation film!

I can’t help scratching my head and gushing shyly, and enjoying the rollicking fun of looking at semi-gothic characters parading themselves in a musical number from Danny Elfman that seem to serve as sort-of tribute to old-school musical genre. At least, some scores evoke such a thought if you often see musical films of MGM era. And the blast of these tunes perfectly enhance the atmosphere of the world that can only happen in Tim Burton’s own fantasy world.



Imagine a world of living full of gloomy looking people and London turns itself to be a gray city, looking dull and boring. On the other hand at the same time, the underground world way below the graveyards are full of weird looking characters, often not in complete set of body parts, yet they look vibrant and much more alive than the living, as they are presented in bright, dazzling colors. Not to mention that these puppets dance more than their counterparts.

Such a scene might recall for Burton’s previous outing in The Nightmare Before Christmas, and Edward Scissorhands. Yet, what might seem as a totally naïve and innocent Burton on this two works do not show on Corpse Bride, as the latter gives us a much more mature storyline which might be confusing for children who get a chance to see the film, considering its PG rating. I would put Corpse Bride here as part of a testament on how Burton has quite tamed himself recently, with the works like the heartwarming Big Fish, the family-friendly Charlie and Chocolate Factory, and now putting an ensemble of string puppets in a fairy tale that dwells on adult relationship, Burton has tamed himself in maturity that simply swells.



Now, apart from the destined Best Animated Feature clout at the next year’s Academy Awards, shall it go for a higher cast? It deserves so.

nature boy

so we spoke
on different tunes
yet the clout remains one

so we blurted out
of all the things hidden in the closet
litlle do we know that the have turned into skeletons

and you know it's time
to walkout
to roam
to venture

but haven't you grown attached to a soul?

there was a boy...
a very strange enchanted boy.
they say he wandered very far, very far
over land and sea,
a little shy and sad of eye
but very wise was he.

the greatness of you can only be preserved
by defined dignity
that should not be marred by your own doing

and then one day,
a magic day, he passed my way.
and while we spoke of many things,
fools and kings,
fhis he said to me,
"the greatest thing you'll ever learn
is just to love and be loved in return."

think again.

"the greatest thing you'll ever learn
is just to love and be loved in return."

think. before you leap.

Detik Terakhir.

if cornelia agatha is snubbed at the festival film indonesia (ffi) for best actress category, i should question the ability of the event's juries in determining good acting quality.



surely she does act and not to the extent of inhabiting the role yet, at least she has not reached the level of being her "regi" character by still maintaining her shampoo-advertisement hair while playing a highly drug-addicted junkie, but at the scope of acting as junkie, cornelia agatha does give a convincing portrayal in such a controlled manner that we are taken to believe the emotional availability she has as an actress in delivering the assigned duty very well. it is not much then that during her appearance in one of late-nite talk shows where she promoted her film, the host praised her by stating, "this is one of the closest portrayals of a junkie ever portrayed on a big screen."
i can't agree more, although it might be nicer if only the director would dwell more on scenes where she desperately longs for her drugs and convinces her dealer to forge the expenses. if only the director would like to spend some time watching leonardo di caprio in basketball diaries, then the same chilling effect can be reached through cornelia's embodiment to her character.

luckily, cornelia gets an equally good companion who manages to bring out their own best in every scene done together. playing in a more subtle manner, sausan excels in otherwise limited range of acting ability, yet the nature of her character allows her to show minimum effort to maximum result, and giving us no other option but to emphatize with her role here. i guess a nod for supporting actress will not be too much to give as a token of recognition.



however, the praises might stop at this point since cornelia and sausan are the only two elements in making this depressive film bearable and worth watching. i can't help but having a strong suspicion that they take their own initiative to act well for their own sake, without any necessary guidance from the director who might be busy arranging other elements to be put up nicely on the big screen, to some disappointing result. this might be repetitive, but a stereotype of how one gets involved in a hell-ride of drug taking is too often to be presented, and i was surprised to see this still comes out eventhough the writer of the novel in which the film is based on is invited on board to pen the script. either that, or the limited duration time hinders a deeper character development that would do good this film.

other than that, i am not going to comment on how i wish to see more of shanty in her relaxed presence here, or how i long for more lenient censor cut that abruptly butchers some of cornelia's scenes, but the bottomline remains to the fact that you might see this film to see a good school of acting, and set aside trivial errors as usually appear in any indonesian films.

Dealova.

once in a while, comes a film worth every single piece of bad comment on the film's lack of good quality. the redundancy you may notice on the previous sentence is intended to create similar effect to the film.

if they think that indonesian film audience still has not gotten enough dose of brainless teen-flick, think again. the situation has reached the effect of feeding-the-beast, in which the audience soon need to be rushed for treatment of OD-ed by flood of nihilistic love story, whereas producers soon have to endure circle effect of being forced to start all over again in creating a new trend.



nevermind the story, you've read or seen it dozens of times before. in fact, spoilers are highly needed to decipher many unbalanced shots not supposedly presented on a big screen as they fit much better on a small screen. what we need to know is why the film seems to lack of direction.

a good director will not have scenes like a girl playing basketball in between three cars circling her moves, or a zoom-in to a packet of tissue, or some 30-second half-lit room where the character utters one single unimportant word.

a good director will think of more coherent logic to make a proper ending. modern literary audience who has consumed contemporary works of arts will not be satisfied with deus-ex-machina concept as it will only show the director's lack of vision and rushing to finish the story as soon as possible.
(if i see rudy soedjarwo laughing about the latter, i can only pity him since 'tentang dia' suffers from the same problem.)

now it is time for indonesian film producers to consider which films they need to show to the press, and which ones are not. after all, how do you expect to comment on this response from one of the reporters upon watching this film:

"oh, the film is awfully fun, i had a good time. seriously! you'd no idea how fun it could be to find many, and i mean many, scenes to bash throughout the entire film!"

it happened.

definitely not for your ramadhan ...

... or maybe later on at nites?

whenever your availability is, i can't help noting this blog as one hilarious work of people who, apparently, have paid greater attention to being fashion police for celebrities in indonesia.

talking of such, it's funny how despite all the political incorrectness of privacy intrusion done by the so-called infotainment shows, nothing has been done in national scale towards commenting on how the celebrities dressy whenever they make public appearances. are we that late, again?!
so, my piece of words have made it clear, the blog below is worth visiting at your own risk :)

http://whodoyouthinkheare.blogspot.com/

to you two bitches, especially mpok jane for allowing me to get inside your truest identity, i've paid my due here. darn it, i should've picked up the clues at that time...

unseen.

when you say, "God knows i'm trying",
does he know?

when you say, "God knows i've been crying",
does he see?

when you say, "God knows i was lying",
has he been aware of that?

or has he perceived whatever you have shown?

God only knows,
but he doesn't.

some life as i know it.

mungkin ada yang berumah tangga seadanya beralas tikar dan koran.
mungkin ada yang terlelap di atas kasur berbusa beralaskan genangan air kolam.
mungkin ada yang terpaksa berhadapan langsung dengan raja singa dalam naungan langit malam.
mungkin ada yang berencana untuk angkat kaki dari dunia.

mungkin hidup berarti menghidupi lahir tanpa batin.
mungkin hidup adalah alat untuk melanjutkan eksistensi.
mungkin hidup terdiri atas alunan langkah di atas pasir yang tak pernah putih.
mungkin hidup akan sedikit jazzy dengan suara ella atau billie dalam alunan jobim.

mungkin saja aku terantuk dalam keteraturan, sedangkan
mungkin saja kamu terbuai dalam gelimang kepalsuan, padahal
mungkin saja kita semua sama lelahnya dan berkeringat darah, meskipun
mungkin saja mereka terjerembab dalam konsep yang terpatri dari dini.

mungkin ada begitu banyak pengharapan yang terurai dari secuil mimpi
mungkin ada begitu saja mimpi itu tanpa pernah disadari
mungkin ada begitu kita merebahkan penat diatas lembutnya harum bantal dan guling
mungkin ada hidup yang harus tersuapi.

stand.

to see you standing right in front,

and to have me standing behind,

to guard you should you fall,

to look over your towering figure,

driver's seat is made available for one.

blunders.

dulu, jaman es-em-a waktu saya sering ikut lomba-lomba sejenis cerdas cermat (and looking back now, i realized that i was some kind of freaking nerd!), guru-guru yang ngelatih saya selalu mastiin kalau saya dan temen-temen satu tim harus tenang waktu babak adu cepat. kenapa? kata mereka, kalau bikin satu kesalahan dalam situasi yang dikejar-kejar waktu seperti itu, maka kita akan cenderung melakukan banyak kesalahan lagi di soal-soal berikutnya, karena kita pikir kalo kita bakal dapetin nilai lebih banyak untuk mengurangi pengurangan nilai dari soal yang salah tadi.

dulu, saya ngga percaya, sampai pada akhirnya dalam satu kesempatan, hal itu benar-benar terjadi. walaupun begitu, juara ketiga akhirnya didapetin juga koq.

menginjak sedikit dewasa seperti sekarang ini, dalam hidup yang berasa berlalu cepat walaupun saya ngga dengan sengaja mengejar waktu, saya merasa semakin sering melakukan hal yang pernah saya lakukan di cerdas cermat itu: membuat kesalahan demi kesalahan yang dipicu dari satu langkah yang semestinya tidak diambil.
yang lebih parahnya, beberapa tahun terakhir ini saya seperti tersadar juga oleh sesuatu yang lain.
ketika saya sedang melakukan kesalahan dan bingung berikut menyesali kesalahan itu, maka selain melakukan kesalahan lain, saya pun akan bingung dan menyesali perbuatan-perbuatan lain yang mungkin sudah dilakukan di masa lalu, atau hal-hal yang sudah sedemikian lamanya tersimpan dalam hati, namun tidak pernah dikeluarkan sebelumnya.

blunders after blunders, mistakes after mistakes.

makanya, banyak orang bilang supaya berhati-hati ketika kita marah, karena kata-kata yang keluar dari mulut kita ketika marah bisa jadi adalah ungkapan perasaan yang sudah terpendam sekian lama dalam hati atau pikiran, dan ketika ada dorongan yang kuat dimana seluruh otot syaraf terkuras, maka pemikiran-pemikiran tersembunyi itu pun berhamburan keluar.

kalau anda pikir ini adalah tulisan biasa yang cenderung ikut-ikutan sejuta pesan massal menjelang bulan suci ramadhan, mungkin ada relevansi nya juga disana-sini. toh masalah interpretasi bukan hak saya untuk mengatur.
seperti layaknya tulisan lain, ini adalah sekedar ketikan jari tangan saya yang merefleksikan sedikit penyesalan atas begitu banyaknya kesalahan yang saya buat akhir-akhir ini, yang membuat banyak pihak merasa terabaikan, tersinggung, dan mungkin terhina.

saya minta maaf kalau saya pernah menyakiti. kalau tidak pernah pun, saya tetap minta maaf karena saya tahu bahwa saya tidak pernah dengan jelas mengungkapkan apa maksud saya bertindak tanduk seperti ini.

ah, tulisan ini juga tidak terlalu jelas :)

tapi ini pelajaran buat saya, dan semoga anda juga, bahwa pikiran yang terarah dan teratur dalam mengungkapkan perasaan adalah suatu anugerah Tuhan yang tidak gampang diraih, karena perlu begitu banyak waktu untuk terus berlatih.

in a nutshell ...

… or more?

qatar airways. 1 hour late. twinnie. kenny. spice garden. from imesh to jembi. warung kita plaza indonesia. fina, avin, bona, nuki. air asia. doel. mum. dad. hanna. garuda indonesia. mandiri executive lounge. dinner at jimbaran. gran melia nusa dua. legong dance. kuta market. uluwatu. hard rock. an issue or not an issue. legian. jogja-inspired sandals. pre-sunset expensive iced tea. a packet of nasi padang. hbo in hotel room. sukawati. cancer and its chemotherapy. wrong rooms. driving during heat. pecel kawi. dody and his confessions. bakso kota. mike and his ‘box’ car. nasi goreng pulosari. confetti part i. coffee shop hotel tugu. golda and becak. detik terakhir. sate ayam ponorogo. revisit lupus. confetti part ii. dealova. bakoel koffee cikini. the board game. the jb guy. men's health. pempek tim. bali blast. corpse bride. project shop. jeremy. oh la la and script. wedding crashers. nasi uduk kota. daily bread setiabudi. the deafening silence. white shoes and the couples company. the unseen cries.

here I am again.